Will my pastor find out what I say in counselling?

No. What happens in counselling stays between you and your counsellor. Your pastor does not receive a summary, progress notes, or a report, and nothing is disclosed to anyone without your consent. If you want your counsellor in contact with your church, that can happen — but only if you ask for it and on your terms.

Do you work together with my church and pastor?

Gladly, if that's what you want. Counselling was never meant to replace the body of Christ — it serves inside it, and care is at its fullest when a church is walking with someone through the work, praying and staying close in a way that an hour of counselling every week or two cannot. That said, it is an invitation rather than an expectation, and it is never a condition of working together. Any contact with your church requires your consent, and declining costs you nothing.

What if I don't want my church involved at all?

That is a legitimate choice and it will be respected without argument. Church involvement is offered as an ideal, not required as a condition — you decide, and your decision stands. This matters especially where a church or its leadership is part of what you are dealing with: in that situation, keeping counselling separate is not settling for lesser care, it is the right call.

Do I have to go to counselling if my pastor tells me to?

No. A pastor can suggest counselling but cannot require it, and counselling you attend under compulsion rarely helps. A reasonable step is a free consultation, after which you decide for yourself.

Does being referred to counselling mean something is wrong with me?

No. A referral usually means someone noticed you were carrying something heavy and cared enough to say so. Being noticed is not the same as being judged. Biblical counselling treats your struggle as something happening to a person made in God's image living in a broken world — not as a malfunction to be corrected.

What if my pastor or church is part of the problem?

Raise it. Sometimes a referral is a way of avoiding an underlying issue, or a church conflict gets reframed as an individual's personal problem. A biblical counsellor should be willing to examine that honestly rather than assume the church is beyond question. Where a church is not safe for you, involving it is not the model — and choosing not to is the right call rather than a compromise.

Will my church pay for counselling?

Some churches cover counselling costs for members, and it is worth asking yours directly. Grace Biblical Counselling also offers a free 15-minute consultation and reduced rates for clients without insurance coverage.

Your Pastor Suggested Counselling. Now What?

Jason Chang
Jul 18
5 min read

Someone at your church suggested you talk to a counsellor. Maybe your pastor brought it up gently, after a conversation that stayed with him. Maybe an elder raised it. Maybe it came up in a way that stung, and you've been turning it over since.

However it happened --- if you're here because you were told to come, not because you went looking on your own --- I'm glad you kept reading anyway. This page is for you.

Being referred is not a verdict

Let's start with the thing you're probably feeling, because I don't want to talk around it.

A referral can land like a judgement. Something is wrong with me. I've become a problem to be managed. They've run out of patience with me. If that's how it felt, I want you to know that reaction makes sense, and it's worth naming honestly rather than swallowing and carrying alone.

But here, gently, is what a referral usually actually is: someone paid close enough attention to notice you were carrying something heavy, and cared enough about you to say so out loud. Most people struggle quietly for a long time before anyone notices at all. Being noticed is not the same thing as being judged --- even though it can feel identical in the moment.

You are not being sent somewhere to be repaired, like something broken. You're being pointed gently toward help.

What your pastor will and won't know

This is the question people are most afraid to ask out loud, so let me answer it plainly and get it out of the way.

What happens between us stays between us. I don't report back to your church about you. Your pastor doesn't get a summary, a progress note, or a list of what you said to me. Nothing goes to anyone, ever, without your consent --- I want you to hear that not as a concession I'm reluctantly making, but simply as how this works.

If you'd like me in contact with your pastor, though, I can be --- and I want to be honest with you about how I see that. When someone has a church walking alongside them through this kind of work --- praying for them, knowing what they're facing, staying close through it --- I believe that's the fullest picture of care there is. Counselling was never meant to replace the body of Christ. It serves inside it, not instead of it. An hour with me every week or two simply can't do what a congregation that actually knows and loves you can do.

So please hear this as an invitation, and I mean it warmly. It is not an expectation, and it is never the price of working with me. If you'd rather this room stay entirely separate from your church, that is a completely legitimate choice, and I won't push on it or bring it up again. This is yours to decide --- not your pastor's, and not mine.

If you'd like to know exactly where the limits of confidentiality sit --- including the narrow, specific situations in which any counsellor is obligated to act --- please ask me in the consultation. I'll give you a straight, complete answer before you ever tell me anything at all.

Do you have to go?

No. Simply, no.

Your pastor can suggest counselling to you, but he cannot require it of you, and honestly, a counsellor who treats you as a compulsory attendee isn't going to be able to help you anyway. Counselling that you're only enduring, rather than genuinely choosing, tends to be a waste of everyone's time and your energy both.

Here's what I'd gently ask instead: come to a free fifteen-minute consultation, and decide afterward, in your own time. It's not a commitment of any kind --- just a real look at what this actually is, before you turn it down based on what you might be imagining it to be.

What this actually is

Biblical counselling reads your whole life through the story Scripture tells: creation, fall, redemption, restoration.

You were made for something good (creation). The world you live in --- and you within it --- is not yet what it was always meant to be (fall). Christ has entered right into that brokenness, and he is doing something real about it (redemption). And this is not where your story ends (restoration).

That frame changes everything about how we handle whatever you're carrying. It isn't a malfunction in you that needs correcting. It's something happening to a person made in God's own image, living east of Eden like all the rest of us, whom Christ has never once abandoned.

Practically, here's what that looks like: we talk, unhurried. I ask you questions. Together we look at what's actually going on underneath --- not just the behaviour your church happened to notice, but what's beneath it. Scripture gets brought to bear on the real thing you're facing, not some tidied-up, presentable version of it.

What if my pastor is part of the problem?

Sometimes, honestly, he is.

Sometimes a referral is a way of not dealing with something else entirely. Sometimes there's a real conflict inside the church that's quietly being reframed as your personal problem. Sometimes leadership has handled something badly, and counselling becomes the place the problem gets sent instead of addressed.

I won't pretend to you that this never happens, because it does. If that's your situation, please bring it to me --- I would much rather hear it directly from you than have you sit through six sessions quietly working on the wrong thing. Your church is not above honest examination simply because the referral happened to come from it.

And I want to be especially clear about one thing: everything I said above, about the goodness of working alongside your church, assumes a church that is genuinely safe for you. Where that isn't true, that isn't the model I'm describing here at all --- and choosing not to involve them is not you settling for some lesser kind of care. It is the right call, and I would help you make it, not talk you out of it.

What it costs

The initial fifteen-minute consultation is free, with no strings attached. Individual sessions run fifty minutes at $150; couples sessions are $175. If you don't have insurance coverage, please just ask me about a reduced rate.

Some churches quietly cover counselling costs for their members. It's worth asking yours --- many will, if you simply ask.

Full rates are posted here, along with where your fee goes --- I don't take a salary from this practice, and you're entitled to know that.

Start with the consultation

Fifteen minutes. Free. No obligation to book anything else after it --- none at all. And if this genuinely isn't right for you, I'll be honest enough to say so myself.

Book online